For April Fool's Day, I thought it would be fun/funny to make drafts of subclasses designed to fulfill the opposite of the class design. Obviously these are very thrown together subclasses with no playtesting and no balance changes, so use them at your own discretion! I also decided after writing a few that I'm going to release them one by one.
Fighter Martial Archetype of the Coward
Sometimes, an unwilling adventurer will find themselves being handed a sword and shield, or some other weapon and expected to help the local militia, aid their allies in a terrifying quest, or some other likely-death-inducing activity that you did not sign up for. These adventurers who just can't take up the heroes call follow the archetype of the coward; not exactly inept, a coward finds themselves able to avoid harm and succeed in the most unlikely of ways.
Fearful Dumb Luck
Beginning when you choose this archetype at 3rd level, attack rolls against you automatically miss on a roll of 2 or 1.
Unremarkable Combatant
Starting at 7th level, when you finish a long rest, you may dedicate your energy towards not fighting today. By doing so, until you finish a long rest, you may not add your proficiency bonus to attack rolls; however, choose one of the following focuses:
Avoidant: You may add your proficiency bonus to any saving throws, if you are already proficient, treat that proficiency as expertise.
Attentive: You may add your proficiency bonus to any skill checks, if you are already proficiency, treat that proficiency as expertise.
Fighting Style: Not
At 10th level you've learned best how to avoid fighting. You gain the "Fighting Style: Not" feature, which grants you the ability to use the disengage, dash, hide, and dodge actions as a bonus action on your turn.
Cowardly Lion
Starting at 15th level, you may not roll saving throws to resist the effects of abilities, spells, items, and other actions that would cause you to suffer the Frightened condition. In addition, you may choose to ignore the effects of any other condition by replacing it for the duration of your turn with the Frightened condition, and only spending your movement (no action, bonus, reaction, etc.). At the end of your turn, the other conditions effects resume.
Please God No!
At 18th level, you've lived through enough horrific things to know that someday, inevitably, your end will come, and when it does, you're ready to cry and scream to whoever you can to survive. When you would roll a death saving throw, you may instead permanently reduce your Charisma score by 1, to automatically gain two successes. If your Charisma score reaches 0 as a result of using this ability, you die from cowardice, and your deity reluctantly claims your soul.