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Opposite Subclasses (April Fools 2022): Druid

For April Fool's Day, I thought it would be fun/funny to make drafts of subclasses designed to fulfill the opposite of the class design. Obviously these are very thrown together subclasses with no playtesting and no balance changes, so use them at your own discretion! I also decided after writing a few that I'm going to release them one by one.


 

Druid Circle of the Smog

Druids who are members of the Circle of Smog, view industrial progress and the growth of civilization as part of the cycle. They're a bit misguided, and often shunned by other druids for making use of these new environmental hazards under the guise of pretending to care for the environment at all. Their disconnection from nature allows them to weave choking clouds and conjure constructed facsimiles of their once bestial-kin.


Distanced From Nature

No longer able to commune with the spirits as you once did, when you choose this druid circle at 2nd level you are unable to cast druid spells and use druid features as they are written. Instead, you must change all the flavor from natural to unnatural. Druidcraft becomes Tinkercraft, any reference to water becomes oil, references to plants or trees now apply to crates and barrels. Speak with Animals and Wildshape become Speak with Metals, and Constructshape.


Constructshape

Also at 2nd level, you lose the ability to Wildshape, and instead gain Constructshape. You cannot shift into beasts, but may instead shift into constructs, including ones you haven't seen. Your unnatural mind is now able to conjure images and mechanical depictions of machinations you can only imagine. Temporarily, your blood becomes oil, your breath becomes smog, and you skin becomes metallic. Other Wildshape stipulations still apply (in regards to flying, CR limits, charges, etc.)


Comfort In Construction

By 6th level you have become accustomed to the unnatural, and as such gain proficiency with all weapons and armor types. You may equip and use metal items as per normal.


Polluted Influence

At 10th level, your beliefs and habits pervade the very ground you walk upon. Grass dies beneath your footsteps, air around you seems thick and hard to breathe for others, and birds cease their singing and flee from your presence.


At the start of your turn, any living creatures within 10ft of you must succeed on a Constitution saving throw against your spell save DC. On a failure, they suffer 1d8 necrotic damage, and are unable to breathe while they remain within 10ft of you. Beasts and plants affected this way suffer twice as much damage.


In addition, you can render any food or water within 10ft of you poisoned. Food and water poisoned in this way requires a Constitution saving throw against your spell save DC, else creatures consuming the polluted consumables suffer 1d4 poison damage, and suffer the Poisoned condition for 1 hour.


At 20th level, the damage increases to 2d8, and the radius increases to 30ft.


Unwelcome Betrayer

At 14th level, the natural world that once supported and nourished you has turned it's back on you forever.

- You are no longer considered to be of your humanoid race, but your creature type becomes a construct.

- You no longer need to eat, drink, breathe, or sleep, as most of your internal organs and physical form have been converted to that of a construct.

- You no longer age.

- You have resistance to bludgeoning, piercing, and slashing damage.

- You are immune to poison, and the poisoned condition, as well as all diseases.

- Beast and Plant type creatures view and treat you as a hostile creature; they cannot be ridden, befriended, or charmed by you.

- You lose the ability to speak, read, and write Sylvan.

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